Yesterday I watched my Bear play tennis while my Bella girl curled with her head on my lap, and I stroked her long red locks. I was weary in every way. The PET scan yesterday had gone well other than some IV issues. I have a huge knot and bruise on my left hand, and it hurts to use it. Sigh. IVs will always be my nemesis.
I steeled myself for the wait. I have treatment on Thursday and an appointment with my oncologist, so I was expecting two days of limbo. But my oncologist, who is amazing, called yesterday evening to share the preliminary news that my PET is stable. No further progression. We will talk more tomorrow, but stable is good. Treatment is stopping cancer… now if we could just get it to shrink cancer! But I will take no progression. And I breathe thankfulness.
As I shared the news with my Bear before he began his doubles match, he flashed those dimples at me and said, “I’ll be able to play better now.” And when I whispered the news to my girl as we curled on the blanket watching him play, she tightened her grip around my legs, “My birthday will be perfect now.” She whispered back. And before supper, as we celebrated an early birthday dinner for our girl, my Ash prayed and thanked our Father that his mom was still okay while Brian and I tightened the grip of our held hands.
Y,all, there are days when I think it all will break me; this treatment is far more difficult than I expected. Every morning finds my Bella girl holding my hair back while I throw up. She fetches me water and rubs my back and nurtures me, and I wipe away tears that this is her life. Shouldn’t it be the other way around, that the mother nurtures her child? Ah, but then there’s my Bear, who when we talk about what they were like as babies and I share how I threw up all nine months of all three pregnancies, he laughs and says, “Well, you’ve just been throwing up pretty much your whole adult life, huh Mom?” And Ash throws his arm around me, shakes his head at his brother while we all laugh, and leans into me protectively.
And I breathe thankfulness. We lament. But we rejoice. Bella girl was one when I first started this battle. She turns 13 today. Look at this beautiful life God has given us!
I’ve had several of you ask for an update. I know I have been quiet, and my heart is warmed that you want to know how we are. I will write more after my oncologist and I have talked tomorrow, so steel yourselves for a post full of medical jargon. In the meantime, will you breathe thankfulness with me for no progression?
And here’s a bit of three-year-old sparkle to brighten your day. I have been gifted with that sparkle every. Single. Day. now for thirteen years, I guess I can share.